Jen called me the other day saying she felt like she made a mistake, and wanted to date exclusively again,... I told her that im not saying no for forever, but the way im feeling these days, i dont feel like id make for a good boyfriend (i havnt been takin my meds, for one thing). Ive been feeling So down recently, for no reason, and it may sound shitty, but i thought at first it was because of this crap with Jen, but its not,... it came to me somewhere between the bong hits and the joints being passed around; but i speak of love, have all these thoughts and opinions about love (like how it should be and whatnot,... Im 17 years old, have had only 5 girls call me their boyfriend, and not one of those relationships lasted for more than a month (this last one lasted about 2, but i was gone for a month of it to Cali).
I dont know shit about love, relationships, none of it. I will die alone. I always knew that death was some scary shit, and when you went you went alone, but i think ive got a taste of that now.
I am Great, Awesome, Superb, whatever the fuck word youd like to use, At Friendship. I S-U-C-K A-S-S at intamacy. being in a relationship. I could probably be the best fuckin marriage councelor In The Whole Fuckin WORLD, but i cant have a serious relationship of my own. Call me just 'young and inexperienced' or whatever, but yeah.
And this shit with Liz is just improveing my mood by the minute (are you picking up the sarcasm...?) Her and her boyfriend are on like a 6-month time out (WTF??), so for like the past week she wants to do nothing but hangout with me. Now where was this attention, Before??? It like all she wants is a fuck buddy. She hasnt said it but ive been pickin up the subtle hints. And its like, what the fuck ever. Im done with people's bullshit. Seriously, i spend So much time and effort trying to get to know people, understand them as people, and not even the people im supposedly close to seem to give a fuck. Im done with it. I mean seriously, im not much of an avid country music listener, but its like that fuckin song by Toby Keith.
We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk
We talk about your church and your head when it hurts
We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother
About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover
We talk about your friends and the places that you've been
We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin
The polish on your toes and the run in your hose
And God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes
We talk about your dreams and we talk about your schemes
your high school team and your moisturizer creme
We talk about your nanna up in Muncie, Indiana
We talk about your grandma down in Alabama
We talk about your guys of every shape and size
The ones that you despise and the ones you idolize
We talk about your heart, about your brains and your smarts
And your medical charts and when you start
You know talking about you makes me grin
But every now and then
I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me mine
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about me (me,me,me,me,me,me-background singers)
I know this all sounds selfish, but Dammit, everyone else is. I want someone to know ME. What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see. Fuckers.
i need a Real hug.