thruthemotions (thruthemotions) wrote in patheticism101,

Shattered Soul

So far no one,
Seems to notice me,
And it seems no one,
Will ever see,
All my insecurities,
But all I need,
Is for one person to believe in me...

I need someone,
To see through my mask,
But it seems that no one,
Will ever ask,
Doesn't anyone wonder,
About the real me?
All I do is wander,
Across this field of lost dreams,
Will anyone believe,
In what I can't?
Tell me what might be,
If I can find the strength to stand...

How can't you see,
How much I hate myself?
Turn your back and leave,
And never offer any help,
You see, I smile on the outside,
And tell you that I'm fine,
But can't you see that on the inside,
I just want to die?...

Won't anyone,
Tell me I'm beautiful?
Won't anyone,
Somehow see some potential,
Deep within my heart?
How long could it take?
Is it really that hard?
Please for my sake,
Find some good somehow,
In my decaying soul,
Is it too late now,
To try to make me whole?...

I feel so pathetic
Please just prove me wrong,
I just can't stand this,
I've waited so long,
And I'm trying to hold on,
But if there's a point I can't see it,
And I'm trying to move on,
If there's a reason please tell me what it is,
'Cause right now,
I feel pretty damn useless,
Please tell me how,
I'm not completely worthless...

Good enough,
I'll never be,
For you that's tough,
'Cause you can't see,
Your standards are too fucking high,
And when I'm not perfect,
I see the disappointment in your eyes,
Everything I do you reject,
I will always be a disappointment,
I am my own constant torment,
'Cause when I'm not perfect,
I feel like a nobody,
I crave some respect,
Will I ever be somebody?...

Death is a fantasy,
Brought on by broken dreams,
Things I can't see,
Drifting on the stream,
Made of desire,
Hope and faith,
Love to acquire,
And friends to make,
But my streams going dry,
And you are the sun,
Can't you tell me why,
You seem to find this fun?...

I've been forgotten,
'Cause I have nothing to give,
This web I'm caught in,
This lie that I live,
Won't someone let me cry?
Does anyone care?
Would you noticed if I died?
Do I even dare?
Would you notice at all,
If I suddenly wasn't there?
Will you catch me when I fall?
Or will I suddenly disappear?...

Put your arms around me,
Tell me it's okay to cry,
Soothe away there insecurities,
Untangle these ropes so I can fly,
I feel so weak,
From this constant struggling,
I'm such a freak,
Could anyone ever love me?...

I never think of myself,
I push everyone away,
Easier to focus on everyone else,
And lie that everything's okay,
When I say to leave me alone,
I don't meant it,
My pain remains unknown,
This mask, please see through it,
Just look into my eyes,
They're always full of tears,
Oh how I long to cry,
I need someone to understand my fears...

My dreams are shattered to pieces,
By the stone of my own doubt,
This breaking never ceases,
As I swear, scream, and shout,
The knife of hopelessness,
Leaves scars on my wrist,
I don't think I can cope with this,
The anger persists,
And with my numb brush,
I paint myself new dreams,
My ink is my blood,
But they're again shattered by my silent screams...

And endless cycle of despair,
Please just put your arms around me,
Are the demons really there?
Tell me you truly love me,
Let me know that there's a way,
Because I feel so lost,
Tell me everything's okay,
Out the window hope I tossed,
Please catch it,
Before it too breaks,
Can another flame be lit?
How much more can I take?...

I'm sinking
Into eternal sorrow,
I'm drinking,
My blood, trying to get through tomorrow,
No one understands,
I want to give up,
My life feels so bland,
So I again self-destruct...

This pain enchants me,
I'm my worst enemy,
It's better than feeling nothing,
I'm sick of seeing everything,
And I have no love to blind me,
It's pain to escape the nothingness,
To know I'm still alive,
But the pain leads back to numbness,
And it's all that's left inside...

This sick addiction,
Searching for my solace,
Doubts and dreams cause friction,
Is depression what they call this?
I guess I wouldn't know,
'Cause I deny anything's wrong,
This pain is hard to show,
And now I think I've waited too long...

Beautiful I'll never be,
Staring at the mirror,
Am I really that ugly?
I scream again,
And the mirror is gone,
But without a friend,
It's not gone long,
I hate this reflection,
I tell myself it's not there,
But it's my only companion,
And no one else seems to care...

Surrounded by lies,
When I'm supposed to have truth,
Into the night go silent cries,
Will I ever be made new?
I'm again brought to my knees,
By the weight of tears,
I make new scars that no one can see,
To try and chase away my fears,
I think of suicide,
And ponder life,
Do I want to die?
I pick up the knife...

A stream of red,
Runs down the drain,
Wishing I was dead,
I'm in so much pain,
And no one seems to care,
No one even tries,
This seems so unfair,
They don't look at what's inside,
And see all the things I might've been,
If only someone had asked,
But I'm brought back to the knife again,
'Cause no one sees through the mask...

I'm just another shattered soul,
Maybe that's why no one sees,
The knife goes dull,
But I sharpen it when no one believes,
Are they too busy helping everyone else?
Or does my mask seem that real?
I can't rely on myself,
I've lost the ability to feel,
Someone please help me,
Someone let me cry,
Can anyone save me?
Or have I already died?...

I tell myself just one more day,
Maybe things could be better,
I could find the path from which I've strayed,
But things never quite work out,
And I'm back to square one,
Again clouds of doubt,
Cover up the sun,
Some stress is relieved,
When I'm with friends,
But after they leave,
I'm left with myself again...

I hate myself,
Everyone else hates me too,
I hate everyone else,
I don't know that to do,
I write pointless poems,
Stories no one reads,
These doubts form another stone,
And it again shatters dreams...

Someone's always better than me,
I'll never be the best,
But all I really need,
Is some long awaited rest,
I'm sick of being average,
But I guess that's true of everyone,
I'm sitting here at the edge,
Calling out for someone,
Anyone that has the time,
Anyone that would care,
This mountain will be hard to climb,
Can you promise to be there?...

I don't know why I feel like this,
I can't understand myself,
I forget what life is like without this,
Joy is sitting on a dusty shelf,
Do you care to take the time,
To whisper one kind word,
To tell my it's okay to cry,
And let my pain be heard,
Because all I am,
Is another shattered soul,
Please do anything you can,
To try and make me whole...


I wrote this a while ago, found it, almost cried, and thought i'd get some feedback...?

I know it's long so, anyone who took the time to read it, thank you.
I dont feel this way All the time, every so often i'm able to forget, and i owe that to my friends...

One night, about a year ago, i was outside, looking up at the stars,... i was feeling pretty alone, and looking at the stars made me feel even more insignificant,... trying to peice together better days, it dawned on me. When i'm with my friends, good company, i dont feel so small, whether they realized it or not, they were my escape... My only escape before then was playing my guitar, it would take me away to a different place, but it was and still is hard for me to get back to that place now. be it one way or another... it's not my friends' fault or anything, but i havnt felt that way in a long time.

Ive got no love to blind me from these everyday pains, i've been in all my friends' drama for so long im kind of tired of it,... Im ready for my own; I want a relationship,... when's it gonna be my turn?
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